... that despite whatever you think makes an attractive or unattractive face:
... that everyone has an attractive smile?
... that, up close, everyone has interesting eyes?
This sentiment may be totally gizzay, but it's really helpful for my metta (loving-kindness) practice as I'm walking down the streets of NYC. I see all kinds of people, all walks of life, and I can open up my heart that much more by looking at their eyes and imagining them smiling (if they aren't smiling already).
It's also amazing how hard it seems for the average New Yorker to crack a smile at a complete stranger. I'm trying as much as I can these days to do exactly that. I still find it easier to do with women. It's a bit harder with guys, I'm guessing, because I haven't yet gotten over the possibility that they're mistaking me for (a) a flirt, (b) a tourist, (c) a stoner/candy flipper, or (d) a plain idiot. Thus there's also the question of whether by smiling at women I'm actually seeking their affirmation that they find me attractive as much as I'm wishing them happiness, even if I'm not ogling their bodies or craving sex at the time.
This is all the same thing -- my EGO is still involved. I'm working on it!!! (Don't judge myself, don't judge myself, don't judge myself) However, I know I'm on the right track because I've gotten to the point where I don't feel worse about myself when people don't smile back.
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2 comments:
Seriously man, this was a great post to read. Not feeling bad about it when folks don't smile back, to me, is huge--especially in the harsh huge wilds of NYC. Hmm, Vassar could use more smiles! And best wishes about not judging oneself--an ongoing process, as far as I've seen in my own wee realm. Is it weird to feel proud of you? Heheh!
from jay:
right on. the not smiling back thing stood out to me too. i'm all for self-validated action. it's other people's business how they respond to me. my business is just doing what's right for me. if i only did things because others validated them, i would never get to be my own person. that's a lot of power to give other people.
self-validation is easier said than done though. i think we train people at an early age to just do things that others reward them for. for all our talk about individualism, i don't think our society cultivates it that much --maybe compared to some other societies but that's not enough in my opinion.
well, whatever the reason, it's certainly been a struggle for me to break out of the other-validated mindset. it's a worthy pursuit though. smile on man.
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